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The online profile had been intriguing enough: Dark-eyed stranger, at least as tall as me, a smattering of common musical tastes (I would forgive him Metallica), some hint of wit, a suggestion of creative energy, a fondness for the canine set, his own hair.My requirements were few and he seemed to fulfill them, so we met at a bar.
“A lot of times women will feel badly about going out and having their own life and leaving their child at home,” Desiree says.He came out without his wallet, he explained as he settled into his chair, in mock tones of lament. He told me he was an inventor, but when I inquired of his creations he grumbled that other people had gotten to all his best ideas first. He told me how much he’d paid for his home, citing a vast number that made my eyes go big. And so went my first foray into the universe of dating as a single parent. For all of the halting, inelegant dating when I was young and single, I could never have predicted how romance-seeking at this stage in life would play out.But when I dropped him off later (he had no car), he admitted he was a renter, and that he’d paid that much toward his apartment over the years. The rules defining the game were essentially the same, but the players might as well have been parachuted in from a different sport.After that, she went into the dating thing whole hog. If she was going to have a guy stay over, it would only be when her kids weren’t around.When Fiona brought home her first date to meet her children, her kids just stared across the table at him, chewing their hamburgers in silence. But that was problematic, she says, “because sometimes my ex-husband would bring them back in the middle of the weekend because they’d forgotten something.I just want him to be happy.” Fiona Gulliver (a pseudonym) waited for two years after her husband left before entertaining the thought of connecting with another man. She has speed-dated, joined organized dating clubs and visited any number of online dating sites.
It was both for the sake of decorum and so as not to further disrupt the lives of her kids, then only 10 and five. At first she restricted dating to nights when the children were visiting their dad.
When he was at the stage to introduce her to his children, he was concerned about the effect this development might have on them. Because Andrea is a ceramic artist, Frank thinks a clay-working visit with his kids might be a good entrée for introducing his new friend.
“Andrea is more than willing,” he says, “and I thought it would be a good way to ease her into the lives of the children.
Fiona’s son became quite attached to one man she dated for four months.
He helped him with a school project, took them to an NHL game and paid a lot of attention to the entire family.
Part of that change was being plunged into the dating world, a world he’d long since forgotten how to navigate. “I know I’m not looking for a new mother for my children,” says the Toronto teacher.